Naomi

Nay"s memorial was this morning. I can't quite get my head around the ineluctable fact that she is gone, deceased, no longer among the living. why only last week she read a poem at Al's poetry session, went to yoga class on Friday, started an art class that afternoon,one for which she had waited a very long time, and on Saturday she played putt golf and scrabble. So how did she just fade away like that?
In a way she was blessed. this was the death she wanted, fast, no pain. We here at Watermark all said the same thing--we should be so lucky!
Dan officiated and did a splendid job. His preparatian was impeccable--solid, fact based yet his spiritual side shone thru. his reading were most appropriate--Psalms, Ecclesiastes, Talmud and his singing was glorious. When it was my turn, I tried to dredge up memories of her childhood--what she enjoyed doing: swimming, golf, horseback riding and her art work. but my memories are dim and she ws that mihc older than I. Not that I mentioned everything--I forgot that she took me to see Princess Ida when I was 10 and turned me into a committed G & S fan. this was followed by their plays a year later, a book I still treasure. We would talk in bed at nihgt (we shared a bedroom) and as she was going off to college, she promised that she and I would go out for a lunch of Ebinger's crumb coffee cake--what a dream! of course this never happened.
I can't get over how well Dan comported himself at this service. I am used to his Shabbat services but never saw him do a funeral or a wedding. it takes a lot out of him to do these--typing up script, amassing relevant facts, rallying his forces, getting stuff printed as needed. Ruby pitched in to everyone's delight and wonder handing out the Kaddish sheet, did a swell job, did not drop any! And of course CAroline was her mother's chief supporter.
How oddly this all worked out! How come I decided to cancel my trip to SAnta Fe? Had I gone, I would have returned Saturday night, quite tired from the trip and not able to cope with Nay's sudden illness. How come Caroline and Ruby just happened to be East for a 50th birthday party given by her father (a month early)? This of course explains Dan's presence. They all had a chance to go to the hospital where Nay lay inert and insensate, to say their farewells and assist Nancy, who was also there at the time. Go figure! It was because they were here that we had the memorial today.
They are gone now and a huge lacuna has occurred in my life. i have plenty to keep me busy but nothing feels right. I felt just this way when Jess died, lo 17 years ago. Everything had turned to dust; I could not hear music for many years thereafter. When I could, I knew I had overcome her tragic end. It was also the routine of my job that kept me straight but now I have no job. Will the volunteer work see me thru?
there are still relatives I mst notify--joel, CArla, their kids, Chris. I wil try to send them this blog--I hope they get it.